to teju — from me
Two words on a screen don't undo three days of silence. Scroll — there's more, and it's the truth.
the day before
We met the day before, and it was one of those rare, easy connections — the kind I didn't want to let slip. I didn't want you sitting alone in that office all day, or riding your bike through that traffic and pollution by yourself. I told myself I'd be there, so you'd always know you had someone.
So I promised to pick you up the next morning and drop you back. That's where this actually starts.
Finally slept, after work.
Woke up. Time to get ready for you.
Your message: work from home today.
New plan, then — surprise you with lunch instead.
Started driving anyway.
18–20 km, in traffic that barely moved.
Two kilometers out. Almost there.
You said no. I turned around two kilometers from you.
I wasn't asking for the whole afternoon. After all that, I just hoped you'd meet me for five minutes. When you said no, that's where it actually hurt. But that hurt still isn't an excuse for what came next:
what came after
It wasn't fine. I was hurt, and instead of just saying that, I disappeared on you for three days.
That's so much worse than one missed lunch, and it had nothing to do with you — it was me not knowing how to say "I'm upset" without it sounding like blame. You didn't deserve the silence. I'm sorry for that, more than anything else.
Teju
The day before, we just clicked — one of those connections that doesn't happen often. I didn't want you stuck alone in that office, or riding your bike through that traffic and pollution by yourself, so I promised myself I'd be there. That's the only reason I set an alarm after sleeping at 3.
When you messaged that you were working from home, I wasn't let down — I got excited. New plan: surprise you with lunch instead. So I got ready and drove anyway, eighteen kilometers of traffic, thinking the whole way about it.
Two kilometers from your place, you said no. I turned the car around. I wasn't upset about the drive — I was hurt because after all that, I'd hoped even five minutes still meant something to you the way it did to me.
But here's what I actually need to apologize for: instead of just telling you that, I went quiet for three days. That wasn't fair to you, and it wasn't like me.
I'm sorry — properly, no conditions attached. I still want to be the person who's there for you, the way I meant to be that morning.
— me
the make-up plan
Saturday.
I'll come pick you up. Be ready — we're going out. No traffic-checking this time, I promise.
pick-up time: whenever you say · one condition: you have to actually come outside